Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.
What do u call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with Kids.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
