Vehicle jokes

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

"Oh, right. How's it going?"

"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

"Wow! What about NATO?"

"They haven't turned up yet."

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

There's a Mexican, Brazilian, and Cuban in a S60. Who's driving?

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

A. Because he got hit by a truck.

What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.

What is red and puts out fire?

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RCXD.

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.

What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?

A-cheat shells.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a bus.

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Why can’t Indian women drive?

They’re too used to riding their camels.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.