Vehicle Jokes

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

How does a train sneeze?

It goes, "A-choo choo!"

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

What's the difference between a car and a car?

I have absolutely no idea, sorry.

Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!

I called the suided hotline in Afghanistan and they got excited and ask if I could drive a b50two

What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?

Hot Wheels.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

What has 30 legs but can't swim?

A bus full of children!

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?

When he is on the train.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What do you call a tire that is tired?

A tire, I guess. ❤️

Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.

What kind of truck does a Mexican drive?

F-Juan Fifty.