Ups jokes

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?

His wheelchair always backs him up.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

What did the floor say to the ceiling?

"I look up to you."

Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.

I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.

I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

Your hairline is so jacked up even the barber couldn't fix it.

You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).

Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!

If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."