Ups jokes

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

"A llahu Aks into a bar..."

And it blows up!

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

African XP farms: Cotton field.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

Stairs are bad, because they are always up to something.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

Why did the rapper become a painter?

To brush up on his rhymes!

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"