Ups jokes

You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

African XP farms: Cotton field.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?

Free service for tit holding!

What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?

You shout out, "B-52!"

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

What do Israel and Epstein have in common?

"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.