Ups jokes
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.
What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
Who would've known?
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Don't give up on your dreams...
Keep sleeping.
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."
Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."
What did the floor say to the ceiling?
"I look up to you."
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.