Ups jokes

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

Hey Alya and JK Master, how are you guys doing? No one being an ass to you guys today, right? If so, I'll beat them up :)

Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.

Me: What's that sound?

Ex: What?

Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!

xthegamer0 is 35. He grew up with GTA5 and is still playing it today.

Up (DYM 94).

Teacher: Here, have candy.

Kid: No, I’m too fat.

Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

*Next week*

Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

Orphans are humans like everyone else, so suck it up, rude jerks!

What do you call Cyanne when she first wakes up? Nanny McPhee.

People who are bothering Gwen, stop. This is a joke site, and you guys should know that!

People, she is not even 40 or whatever. I see the comments, and they are so stupid. Do you even know her in life? No!!! Shut up and leave her alone!

What is the continent that ALWAYS sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and that is so tired that it won’t wake up? Eur-ope.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

Why do orphans love tornadoes? Because they always pick you up!

There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.

Why don’t she stand up for herself?

"Roses are red, shut up and go to bed."

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?

They always line up.

Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?

Brother: Why though?

Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.