Ups jokes

There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.

Why don’t she stand up for herself?

"Roses are red, shut up and go to bed."

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?

They always line up.

Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?

Brother: Why though?

Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

How do you make an orphan shut up?

You tell his mom.

Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?

Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.

Farmer's Wife: Why?

Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.

I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

And just look up anything that is hot! And don't forget to comment!

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣

Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?

Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.

Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.

When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.

I got sent to the principal's office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself.