Ups

Ups jokes

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Jaiden

    • Me: Hi Jaiden.

    Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.

    Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.

    Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*

    Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.

    FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!

    Cow

    • A person went to tell a joke: "Knock knock!" "Who’s there?" "I don’t remember!" (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now.)

    I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! 😂

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    Ups memes
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    Shooter

    • When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.

    When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.

    When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.

    When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.

    Bomber

    • What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?

    I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!

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    Cat

    • Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.

    Isn't It Purrfect!

    Difference

    • What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?

    Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.

    Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.

    Scroll down for explanation.

    Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.

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    • Papyrus

    • Ooh! I know a joke!

    (Papyrus) What is it?

    (Sans) Knock knock!

    (Papyrus) Uh... who's there?

    (Sans) Sans

    (Papyrus) Sans who?

    (Sans) SANS IS LAZY!!!!! NOW PICK UP YOUR SOCKS BEFORE I SHOVE MY SPAGHETTI INTO YOUR MOUTH!

    (Papyrus)

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    Phone Number

    • So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

    Gas

    • Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.

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    Monster

    • A man came up to a girl about to jump off a cliff. The man said, "Why?" She then replies, "There are many monsters in this world, and I am one of them."

    Skyrim

    • Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

    If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

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    Insult

    • You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

    You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

    You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

    You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

    You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

    You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

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    • Girl

    • I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

    I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

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