Ups jokes
A woman walked up to me and asked me for a joke. I stood there with a straight face knowing women can't be funny.
SHUT UP EVERYBODY!
Alright ALYA and drew ALYA's boyfriend!! Have a good fucking life, I hardly even think drew is real but uk whatever I've passed on but DREW if u fucking wanna beef, I'll fight u bro, ur prob a stick, I'm fucking doing push ups 4 times a week 100 each.
I killed myself, then woke up.
Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!
Memes
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Why did C.S.C. fail the trigonometry test?
Cosecant remember his own name.
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
Because his head is so high up in the air.
EVERYONE:
"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.
Your mama is so far that when she told a joke, no one was laughing, but the floor was literally cracking up.
Once Roblox popped up in my server, be like, "Roblox, what are you doing?"
Me: "What the heck?" Me: "How did I get in your server?"
Roblox: "You've been banned for just cheating!"
Why did the booty break up with the fart?
It was just too much GASLIGHTING.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
I went to watch Ghost Rider at a cinema in Paris. As I took a seat, I saw none other than Pessi sat at the front row with a pen and notebook. I asked him what he’s was doing at the cinema since there was a big game coming up. He replied, “I’m taking notes from the best.”
And vanished.
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.
Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.
Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.
Nathan: WE-WE
Alicia: WEE-WEE?
Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes
Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u
Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*
Alicia: *WEIRD*
Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose
Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess
cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou
nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy
cuugh umm
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: no one stands up.
Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*
Little Johnny: *stands up*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.