Microphone jokes
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
What did the rapper say when he lost his voice?
"I guess I'll have to drop a SILENT TRACK!"
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You're my closet confidant!"
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some COSMIC RHYMES!
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
Why did the rapper bring a fishing rod to the studio?
To reel in some KILLER HOOKS.
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
What phone do midgets use?
A MICROphone.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
What kind of tests do rappers always pass?
Sound checks!
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.
I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
Hello, I am typing with the microphone, euros, hello bro and 0LXDXD bra, that’s funny, and also you are gay. Ha ha ha ha ha, get it done by eight.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!