Ups jokes

One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.

Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.

"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

654-721-8940

(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

What do lovely men and tampons have in common?

Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.

What did the blender say to the orange juice?

"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."

Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.

Patrick: *picks up nuke*

Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!

Patrick: Yes.

Nuke: *boom*

Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

Why don’t rappers tell secrets?

Because they always end up DROPPING it.

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!

What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?

"What's up?"

Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.

Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?

'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.

I have a friend named Mole.

She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.

Random person: What stuff? 🤨

Me: What?

The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!

Me: Colourful flamingo fart.

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."