Ups

Ups jokes

Killer

    • A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...

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    • Ad

    • Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.

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    • Ups memes

    Sex

    • One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

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    • Rape

    • A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

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    • Crime

    • What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).

    I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].

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    • Loss

    • Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.

    You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.

    Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"

    You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?

    Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.

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    • Incest

    • Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

    Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

    Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

    Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

    He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

    Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

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