Ups

Ups jokes

Man

    • A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

    The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

    The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

    The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

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    • Toilet

    • Fat jokes and mom jokes😂

    1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."

    2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.

    3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."

    4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

    5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."

    6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

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    • Adoption

    • Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."

    Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*

    *Wakes up in an adoption center.*

    Damn, it was those kind of papers.

    Dad

    • When you end up pregnant...

    Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

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    • Ups memes

    Orphan

    • What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

    The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

    Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

    Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

    This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

    Jew

    • A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

  • 1

    • Girl

    • A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

    Mom

    • Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.

    Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

    Saw that shit on Roblox.

  • 2

    • People

    • I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!