Ups jokes

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

I drew a picture of Colby.

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."

Donibobes is an owl. (hehe look up donibobes YT!)

What goes up but never past the digits 15?

A Make-A-Wish kid...

What goes up but never comes down?

Water in Australia.

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?

Up Shepherd's leg.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

What's up, bitches? Miss me?

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.

One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"

He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"