Ups jokes

Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill.

Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill, "To build this still will take so long."

Jill said to Jack, "Well, f--k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill!"

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

What do you call a booty that tells jokes?

A crack-up!

I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"

The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."

Bully: Shut up.

Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

What's the definition of suspicious?...

A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

What's up, bitches? Miss me?

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?

Up Shepherd's leg.

I drew a picture of Colby.

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...

What holds the sun ☀️ up in the sky?

Sunbeams.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"