Ups jokes
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
I don't beat up midgets.
That would be punching down.
Memes
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.