Ups jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator, the World Trade Center collapsed.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

What do pedophiles do when they wake up?

Turn on the child safety lock on the car.

What was the winning play at the leper football game?

A hand off up the middle.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Friend: Slavery isn't good.

Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.

Me: Shut up and get me a juice!

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but couldn't stand up?

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.

A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?

He flew up!

The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?

When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩