Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five but instead, he ended up hanging
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Y does orphans like Minecraft so they can build a home ...
But a creeper blows it up
What do emo's do when they meet up? They hang out
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.
I've been drinking from a tall cup.
His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!
