Ups jokes

What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?

Blue Jay Simpson!

I have had it up to here with you.

(Then there Hight.)

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?

"Wrap it up!"

Why do high tides come up so high?

Because they come up to say hi.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.