Ups jokes

Why does Adolf hate golf?

He ended up in the bunker.

What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?

Batter up!

Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

Yo mamma's so fat no one was laughing, but the ground was cracking up.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?

They both enjoy digging up the past.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"