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A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their p.... through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.”

The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?”

The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his p.... through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!”

“That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?”

The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays…”

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, “Listen Barack, I’m getting older and I’m having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?” Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. “Oh Donald, You f... just like Barack Obama.”

What happened when the dog played golf? He hit the ball into the ruff.

What’s the best part of having sex on a golf course?

The hole experience.

I like my women how I like my golf score. Low in the 80s and with a handicap.

What do you call a Downie who loves playing golf? A tee tard.

Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?

In case he get a hole in one.

why are cripples the best at golf? They have clubfoots

What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?

10-Putt!

Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!