Ups jokes

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

"Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?"

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.