Ups jokes

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"The FBI."

"The FBI who?"

"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?

It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

"Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?"

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.