Ups jokes

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

"Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?"

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?

Because Sally wrote the invitations!

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"The FBI."

"The FBI who?"

"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"