Ups jokes

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!

By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.

I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

Anyone up for some Fortnite?

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!

Roses are red, I reload fast...

I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?