Two jokes
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
I have two eyes and am afraid of sex.
A Fortnite player.
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans?
They already lost two towers.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.