How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

How do you make a fruit punch? 🍎 You give it a pair of boxing gloves. 🥊

what was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

a pair of Ceasars.

What instrument do a pair of sheep play, The two-baaaa

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either…”

Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, “okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want.” Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, “I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire.” Allyn said “what?” As he looked over at Jim.

Ok I put one penny down do you smell anything? :1 scent I put two penny’s down do you see any fruit? :2 pairs I put three penny’s down do you see and law enforcement? :3 coppers I put four penny’s down do you see any cars? :4 Lincolns I put 5 penny’s down do you see any pussies? : NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT

Dad joke Why does a dad gets more than a pair of socks at the golf course? Because of a hole in one

Why does shows have a family? Because they are Pair-rents!

A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven year olds. The pedophile has a pair of 7’s and three 4’s in the river. He smiles and says yay i i got me a full house.

So, I was walking down the path of my life with bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his. One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, “You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?” He, then, looks me straight in the eyes, and say,“Raw!”

What are twins’ favorite fruit?

Pairs 🍐.

why do golfers wear two pairs of pants

because he’ll get a hole in one

Why do nuns go round in pairs? So one nun makes sure the other nun don’t get none!

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants??? A. A cock and a few hairs (hares)

Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?

Because they always get a hole in one!