I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
Double Jokes
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Fat people are the reason we have double doors.
Yo mama so fat her yearbook picture was a double-page spread.
Yo mama's so fat, she invented double doors!
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
You're built like a double cheeseburger.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.