Two jokes
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.
Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
What do you call a closet with two lesbians inside?
A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyways.
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"
The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT
What did Osama have?
Two Boeings and a dream.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.