Two Jokes

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?

The Two Towers.

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"

"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."

"I meant the ice cream, bro..."

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.

The image is split into two parts. The upper part shows a man explaining something with a frantic expression, standing in front of a wall covered with papers connected with red threads. The text says, "Me explaining that a pregnant horse can run faster cause it has two horsepower". The bottom part shows a seal with a bored and unimpressed look. The text says, "My physics teacher."

Two sentence horror stories go.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B.

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Why were there two boys on the bay?

Because they were gay!

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.