Two jokes
Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.
What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.
But what is similar is tha-
Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!
Sorry 'bout that......
Now, as I was saying,
What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.
Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
I saw two deaf people talking shit about me in sign language.
So I turned off the lights.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
What do you call two Chinese lesbians?
Two can't chew.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.