Two jokes
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
Memes
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?
"Ketchup!"
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.
Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!