Two jokes
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!