Two jokes

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.

These two guys were texting each other.

Guy 1: How are you?

Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*

Guy 1: ???

Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)

What did Osama have?

Two Boeings and a dream.

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.

Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"

The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

What do you call two emos spending time together?

Hanging out.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired.

Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭