Two jokes
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
Summary of Twilight in one sentence:
Bella hits on two guys, runs away. Edward glances to Jacob saying, "Go Fetch," and suddenly Bella's his.
Why can't two eggs tell jokes?
Because they will crack each other up!
Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
In England, for every church, there are two pubs.
In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
Why can’t the USA play chess?
Because they lost their two towers.
What did the World Trade Center order from Domino's Pizza?
They ordered two large planes.
Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."