Two jokes
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"
There are two types of people, avoid them both.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
The last two presidents of the US.
Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?