Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.
