Two Jokes

I don't see why people these days choose their gender, there's only two it's nerf or nothing. (im just joking i honestly dont care)

If two blind people meet, one of them says: Long time, no see

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

A farm full of cows were bombed and only two survived. All of the udders died.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

There are Three Sons Journey Korean and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island and a priest gave them each one wish the first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.

Two guys watching a war movie at a Bar are talking , one says to the other. " The Nazi's starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war". The other says " my Dad died in a camp as well...he broke his neck" First guy says " how did he break his neck?" Second guy says " He fell out of the Guard Tower".

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Why are Americans so bad at Chess?

They're missing two towers.

What do you call two redheads on mars?

Locals.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

me: so you two girls are from England girls: wales me: oh i see, so you two whales are from England

Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

She wanted to be for sure for sure

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What's worse than a baby in a dumpster. A baby in two dumpsters.

A news headline read: A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight He was in the infantry

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience. The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "if you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"