How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!!!
Whats 9 divided by 11
Well i know its less than two alright
what did the skeleton say to shrek? jump on me I can have two layers of skin to
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
To become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
my girlfriend's a two but she's turning 3 to tomorrow
Two Australians walk into a bar, they run into the ceiling fan immediately.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? BOB What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
How do you know that the U.S. suck at chess/
They lost two towers.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
What do you call two micahael j fox's standing next to eachother?
Parallel Parkinson's
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next.
Two artists had an art contest. -- It ended in a draw.
