Two jokes
A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.