Travel jokes

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"

Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!

A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.

At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.

Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"

Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.

The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"

The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.

He sucked his sister's poop hole.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.

What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?

He used a bus.

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

What is the difference between a tree and walking home from school?

Where do fruits go on vacation?

"Pear-is!"

I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.

Q: Why can't you run through a campground?

A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!

What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?

A skele-TON!

- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"

I did a walk walk and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home.

- Why is that flight waiting at 30,000 feet height?

- One tire became flat. They are changing it in the middle of the journey.

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.