Travel jokes

What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?

A walkie-Torquay.

An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”

The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"

Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!

Where do fruits go on vacation?

"Pear-is!"

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?

He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.

What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?

He used a bus.

What is the difference between a tree and walking home from school?

Q: Why can't you run through a campground?

A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!

What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?

A skele-TON!

I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.

- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.

- Why is that flight waiting at 30,000 feet height?

- One tire became flat. They are changing it in the middle of the journey.

I did a walk walk and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home.

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.

He sucked his sister's poop hole.