Travel jokes

What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?

TripAdvisor.com

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

Why did the cow go to space?

To get ice cream!

It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" the passenger said.

"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?

Liam: I like you both.

Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to paris.

Mother: That's means you like dad more.

Liam: No, its because i like paris.

Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to America.

Mother: Why?

Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?

A: They get their shit packed the night before.

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

what is the fastest country? iran.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.