I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Q. What movie represents an orphan's life?
A. Spiderman: No Way Home.
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrr!
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
