Travel jokes
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
"Nepal is a good place because it has been a great time for me."
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To get to the curry shop.
You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.