Travel jokes
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.
Why did the fat man miss his flight?
His body weight exceeded the weight limit.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport.
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
Why did the cow go to space?
To get ice cream!
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To get to the curry shop.
What do you call a Flying Pilot?
He pee on the plane.
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
Hi, I did not get it when I went home to walk home from home and walk, walk, walk.
Riddle: I don't move, I travel across the world, but I never leave the corner. What am I?
Answer: A stamp.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
I guess this is pretty plane.
I am sorry I am just winging it.
Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.
Wow, I just landed that one!
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
Hey Hunter, Thomas here.
Why did the plane cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Thanks guys, remember to like it, means a lot!
Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.