Travel jokes
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
Why did an Indian cross the road?
To take a shit.
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
Fill it out if u want
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.
He sucked his sister's poop hole.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
Why did the hobo go back to the future?
To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.
Yo mama so fat, she sat next to everyone on the plane.
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.
Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.