Travel jokes

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

How are rape and airplanes similar?

The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!

None of these jokes really took off.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.

He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."

I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.

Where do fruits go on vacation?

"Pear-is!"

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?

He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.

Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.

Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.

What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?

A Pre Visa!

Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.

Hey guys! Ello here with an update!

I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!

Why were the rappers late for their flight?

They forgot to pack.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.