Travel jokes

The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.

Hairline so big people had to time travel to find the end of it.

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.

What's the most delicious city in the world? Hamburg.

"Nepal is a good place because it has been a great time for me."

A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.

Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.

"What's the wifi password?"

"121i362"

"It's not working."

"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"

"The United Airline."

"We're in the World Trade Center, though."

You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.

I'm in school right now, but I'm on an airplane.

How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.

What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?

A walkie-Torquay.

A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.

When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"

An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”

The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”