Transportation Jokes

What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

What is the difference between a human being in the car?

What did the bus driver say to the car?

"What is your address?"

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.

How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get the Chinese Daily!

Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!

Mosely in a white van.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

A quad rasher ran him over.

What do you call an Arab flying a plane?

A pilot.

You racist fuck!

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

What's the difference between a car and a car?

I have absolutely no idea, sorry.

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

Why did the frog cross the road to hop to his side, Bih?

What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?

A train driver's egg sandwich.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

What's black and yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of orphans.

What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.

What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?

They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.