Transportation jokes

Why did the bike fall over?

It was too tired.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Q: What's yellow and can't swim?

A: A school bus full of children.

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.

Why did the camel cross the road?

Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.

How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get the Chinese Daily!

Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!

Mosely in a white van.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

A quad rasher ran him over.

What do you call an Arab flying a plane?

A pilot.

You racist fuck!

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.

What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?

They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.

What's black and yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of orphans.

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?

They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?

A: No steam.

A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?

Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!