Transportation jokes
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of screaming children.
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
What do you call a train that carries bubblegum?
Chew-chew train! Hee hee!
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know.
To get to the idiot house.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
The chicken.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
What do cannibals call a wheelchair user?
"Uber Eats."
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.