Transportation jokes
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Helicopters...
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?
Hot Wheels.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a train.
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”