Transportation jokes

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?

Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂

What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?

Hot Wheels.

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a train.

"Most Deadly Sport"

Playing chicken with a train!

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

Why can’t Indian women drive?

They’re too used to riding their camels.

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost the case.

What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.