Transportation jokes
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
Why did the plane cross the road? To get to the other tower.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.