Transportation jokes
What do you call a rapper who's also a PILOT?
Fly Guy
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
Fuck teslas
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?"
"Cargo." "Cargo who?"
"Cargo beep, beep, beep, be-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-b!"
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What word starts with “F” and ends in “uck”?
Firetruck.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
You are in the airway, how funny!
What do we want? Racecar noises!
When do we want them? NEOWWWWW!
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
Why did Billy drop his ice cream?
'Cause he got hit by a bus.