Transportation jokes
Yo mama so fat, she can't go up the elevator; she can only go down.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
What did the bus say to the other bus?
"Beep!"
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?
Was your birthday?
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
Why did the chicken cross the road to go away?
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.