Transportation jokes

Why isn't the athlete in the full bus? Because she is trying to fit in.

What does a car have when it's very itchy?

A road rash.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost the case.

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.

Why did the little boy get hit by a car?

Answer: Because Sally was driving!

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.

The British: We drive on the left side of the road.

Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*

Why did the bike fall over?

It was too tired.

You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

You know what I told my little brother plane?

Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.

I did a walk, walk, and I had to a car and a walk home from home I did.

How does a train dance?

It bogies!

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

What is the difference between a human and a magic car?

A magic car can fly, and a human cannot fly.

Why did the van cross the road?

To get to the school for the little kids.

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

What part of the train goes "toot toot"?

The caboose.