Transportation jokes
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
What do you call a Flying Pilot?
He pee on the plane.
Why did I have to pay $300 on Uber?
I had to get from your forehead to your big ass nose.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
Hey Hunter, Thomas here.
Why did the plane cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Thanks guys, remember to like it, means a lot!
What is the difference between a tree 🌳 and a car 🚘?
A car can drive and a tree cannot drive.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself?
'Cause it was two tired!
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.