Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it it was quite strange until i realised it was Alfies mum
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle? A unicycle can only take one person at a time
why chicken corss road because he get hit by car
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
You might think these jokes are plane.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
