Worst Jokes Ever

"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."

I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?

Liam: I like you both.

Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to paris.

Mother: That's means you like dad more.

Liam: No, its because i like paris.

Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to America.

Mother: Why?

Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.

Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?

People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?

I can Nazi!

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."