Worst Jokes Ever

I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?

dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.

morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

Why are priests called father? Because it's too sus to call them daddy!

What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Black.

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

what do you call a white person having a seizure?

a vanilla shake.

Why did the tamale go to the hospital?

Tamalito.