Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
Why can't a t-rex clap?
Because it's dead.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I answered, "Happy."
The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.