Worst Jokes Ever

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)

Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.

Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"

"Ok."

"What town did you grow up in?"

"Oral."

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.