Worst Jokes Ever

Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I've got 5 fingers, she will get 2.

One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."

The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.

What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.

What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.

What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.

Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.

Why do midgets work at Tesco?

Because every little helps.

When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.

My mum's a carrot.

Why do orphans use water for cereal? Cause their dad never came back with the milk.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

What is Hitler's favorite animal?

A dolphin.

A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.

Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!

Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.