Worst Jokes Ever
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?
Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!
What do you call a gay Eskimo?
A snow blower.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.