Worst Jokes Ever

What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?

Answer: Hair Force One!

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.

"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"

"Ok."

"What town did you grow up in?"

"Oral."

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.