Worst Jokes Ever

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

What do you call an Asian telephone?

Ling Ling.

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.

The Titanic is now a resort for fish.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?

Head N Shoulders.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Me time.

What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?

Ice, Ice Baby!!

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.