Worst Jokes Ever
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
What's an astronaut's favorite candy? A Milky Way!
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What's worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? FĂźhrereous.
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldnât tell the difference đ