Worst Jokes Ever

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.

What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?

Answer: Hair Force One!

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.

"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"

"Ok."

"What town did you grow up in?"

"Oral."

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.