I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Worst Jokes Ever
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
