Worst Jokes Ever
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
what do baby’s and grenades have in common?
They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise