Worst Jokes Ever

Where do ducks poop out of?

From their buttquack.

I eat kids.

Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.

When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

..., I'm gay.

A. No

B. Maybe

C. Leave blank

D. Yes

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.

To bitch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.

I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.

Fuse Pokemon to UnderStand, the power that’s inside.

Poke him on! Gotta train them all it’s Fru and me, All I know is my dress tiny, Poke him on! Yeah, you’re my best friend, In a world you must defend, Poke him on! Gotta train them all my shirts so true, My outrage will flush us through. You bitch me and I ditch you, P-O-K-E-M-O-N!!! Gotta train them all, Gotta train them all! Pokemon!

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.

What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?

"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?

The fridge actually runs.

This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(

Yo mama so fat that the sun is her moon.

What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

A: Garry Glitter's boots.

What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

Why are Americans so bad at chess? Cause they lost 2 towers.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.