Worst Jokes Ever
Why is America so bad at chess?
They lost both of their towers.
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
The worst joke ever.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.
Are you George Floyd?
Cause you take my breath away! 😮💨
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."