What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Worst Jokes Ever
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Midget
What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?
Nothing, I eat both of them.
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
