Worst Jokes Ever
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.